Emotional drain

i think I was somewhat prepared for the physical toll this surgery would take. I can guarantee I was not ready for the emotional difficulty that would come along with it.

It's hard work to be broken. Every move takes effort. My back hurts from laying down all day, but i can't find another position to lay in that is any better. It takes work to get to the bathroom. It takes work to sit up and eat. Even sitting in the CPM machine is a struggle.

I"m having trouble wrapping my brain around all of this effort. I'm trying to be positive, to set goals, and to find the bright side of each thing. An example, the CPM machine is a trial for me, but it will shorten the total recovery, by strengthening me more now.Most of the time I'm able to keep a bright outlook, but it catches up to me here and there. Usually, with absolutely no notice, on the turn of a pin. Yesterday, my aunt called to check in on me. She asked me how I was doing, and I broke into tears. Poor Auntie, she just wanted to wish me well, and I completely lost it.

I wish I had more control over my emotional state. I don't know if it's the vicodin, or just the sheer size of the recovery I'm dealing with, but I seem to have very little control over when and how things hit me. Hopefully, as my knee improves, as I gain more flexibility and strength in my leg, this will improve as well.

Speaking of healing, I'm adding a couple of photos of my gorgeous bruise patterns. They're just swell looking, and getting better by the day.